The End of a Dream

local_12_1_temp-1324023393-4eeafe61-620x348Often life has unexpected turns which can occur from out of, what seems like, nowhere.  A parent gets sick, a spouse gives surprising news or a job suddenly ends.   Its in these times of change we are forced to face ourselves in some way and possibly re-discover who we really are.   When the direction of your life is affected you can find yourself questioning things that you thought you had a pretty good idea about.

Recently I have faced such a situation – the death of a dream.  The road seemed clear and the direction seemed right but an unexpected turn came and I found myself wondering if I had been on the wrong road.  During this I have felt an unraveling of who I am.  I have had to lead my family from a place of comfort through a place of pain, questioning and their own lose of identity.  We still are going through it and I think have a ways to go before we see the other side.

I now am trying to understand myself without the same responsibilities and a lose of trust in others that inevitably comes with some unexpected turns.   But I am already sensing the closeness of God and his promise of strength when there are few landmarks left in view.  I heard it described this past week as a leveling.  In my mind it has been a realignment of my faith and my relationship with a Heavenly Father that is never surprised and shaken by anything.  His peace has come in scripture, in tears, in quite moments, in sitting with my family and talking, in tense prayer, and surprisingly in throwing up my hands because they were suddenly empty.

The most difficult thing is not just seeing my dream die but realizing that there were still people with us that had the dream that was Hub Church.   They still had the vision of loving the 8 Houses around them, of staying and growing together to understand our faults and our strengths together, and of living the incredible idea of the great commands of loving God and loving others.  This dream had spread to them. They had seen God doing something but now they are also trying to understand this unexpected turn.

Through this I am learning if God is God on the good days he is still God on the bad days.   I go back to Romans 8 more so than ever because the reality that we have to embrace when we unravel is the true reality that is found in the love (grace) that God has for us:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword?  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers,  nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:31-32,35,37-39

For me I think one day I will see this dream was not a wrong road but that it came to an intersection.  It’s time to open my hands and let God lead on this new road.  Its time to also let him draw me close to him as he builds the next dream.

Nothing worth doing comes without some pain and nothing without God is worth the pain.

3 thoughts on “The End of a Dream”

  1. Amos 8:11
    “The days are coming,” declares the Sovereign LORD, “when I will send a famine through the land– not a famine of food or a thirst for water, but a famine of hearing the words of the LORD.

  2. You and your family are in my prayers. I understand the death of a dream in ministry to others and the unanswered questions that continue to swirl in your mind. May you have God’s peace and be content to rest in Him for a while

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