Being Weak

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I’ve always felt like less.  For a long time I struggled with this and about 9 years ago God changed me!  He showed me through the love of those around me (especially Stacy) that there is healing and forgiveness in God’s plan for us.  I was drastically changed.

For as much as the last 9 years life has been different than before, I have still struggled with self doubt and sometimes a real feeling of worthlessness.    It’s been difficult to hide this and it has continued to affect every aspect of my life.  But God continues to show me that he is a God of healing.

The question for me has become “Isn’t there a point where we can or should say – “God can take all of those feelings and I can let him because in my weakness God will make me stronger.”  After all, for a lot of us, our feelings are about the past but they hold us captive in the present.   Maybe exchanging our hurt feelings with trusting God with our self worth is the only way we can deal with the past in order to see God’s plans for us in the present.

That’s not at all easy but God’s desire is for our dependance on him.  We’ve got to stop looking for strength or pain in what people say or seem to feel about us.  Then we’ve got to allow ourselves to be weak enough to draw close to God.

With events of the past few months I have had that old struggle again.  It’s so easy to blame others or justify feelings of anger or hurt.  It’s also easy to slip into the role of victim.  But God’s grace and his allowing of these struggles to come is rewarded with the realization of growing peace and healing.

When Joseph was sold into slavery by his very own brothers who simply wanted to rule over him, I’m sure he felt very much the victim.  When he was wrongly accused by Potifer’s wife, he must have asked “why me?”. But after years of prison and pain he saw God’s reasons in the end.  Joseph felt compassion on his brothers when they came to Egypt during the famine:

20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. Genesis 50:20

I’m thankful for the path of my life and discovering God’s healing not once but twice in my life! Being weak can become the source of an incredible life which allows us to release the burdens of the past.

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